When I created this blog almost two years ago, my goal was to document my race training. I achieved that goal. Check. The blog has evolved now to a bit more than that...but it's time to take a break.
I am a perfectionist. I've always been a perfectionist. I'm not talking about "I must get all As in school and be the president of every club, etc." I'm talking about "My hair must be perfect in this ponytail or I'm going to throw a fit" and "If my pattern blocks don't line up perfectly I'm going to burst into tears" type perfectionism when I was younger. Since I've had this blog, I've been exposed to dozens and dozens of amazing blogs which are "better" than mine: they have better formats, they have more followers, they have more races, they run faster, they're a certified yoga instructor, etc. My mentality about this blog has changed from "Let's document my training" to "I must be the best, run the fastest, be the best yogi, etc." I just realized today that this blog, at this point in my life, is not making me a better person. It is making me a bitter person. This blog has made me set the bar at a level that is not attainable. If I keep the bar at the perfectionism level, I will only live my life in disappointment. My drive to be "the best" is making me feel "the worst."
In order to get back to reality, I'm taking a sabbatical and I'm not sure how long it will be. It may be forever. Constantly competing with myself and others is not how I want to enjoy life.
Thank you to those who have been loyal readers. I'm still on Facebook, and I'm still on Twitter @rachelwaterfill. I just won't be here.
"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." - Anna Quindlen
I totally get what you are saying. About a year ago I started feeling pretty lame about my blog and some of the issues it was causing me. I haven't completely abandoned it yet but I think that's imminent. I think I might start over fresh with a new focus and perspective and maybe also no expectations. I'm going to look you up on Facebook! :)
ReplyDeleterae: squash! feelings of perfectionism that creep up are possible no matter where we are. that's sad for little readers like me who are happy to hear your stories and live along side you in our very wonderful and not-so-perfect worlds. while i certainly honor your decision, i look forward to your creativity and sharing of self in new ways. may your sabbatical inspire and delight you, unravel new joys and stoke the bright fire within.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo steph